Dear Carol,
You've been back to your dark place the last couple of weeks. It is a place that I have delivered you from many times but the enemy knows that it is a tender spot that rears it's ugly head when you are most vulnerable. It is those moments when heartaches in different areas of your life hit all at once. You feel insecure, friendless, unloved, and unfit. You keep standing on the truths of my word even though you don't "feel" them emotionally. You would prefer to go curl up in a corner somewhere and not face the deep hurt and pain.
I remember when you first started down this road of destructive thought patterns. It was in junior high when "mean girls" would say derogatory things about you behind your back or to your face. It continued on in high school. If you will stop and remember how I provided for you and grew you during this time you would see that I never once abandoned you or withdrew my love from you. I provided rich friendships along with some excellent teachers at the very same school that gave you stomach aches every morning you had to get up and go there. I provided your church family that included your pastor father, incredible Sunday School teachers and youth pastors, as well as lifelong friends.You also were blessed with an incredible biological family that included 2 Godly parents, 3 brothers, and 1 sister. As painful as those times were, you grew into a young lady that knew that even at the bleakest moments, I was right there with you, shedding your tears. Carol, I loved you then and I love you always. I died for You. You were engraved on my heart before you were born. " I am the same, yesterday, today, yes, and forever."
It is so easy to focus on the problems even when You pray to me about them. Remember how I provided for you the other day when the pain was intensified to the point you thought you would burst. You read the devotional in the "One Year Devotionals for Women " by, Ann Spangler, titled "Anxious Prayers". The verses she had at the top were from Psalm 121 about looking to the Lord from whom our help comes. She used an illustration by, Charles Stanley. He was at the hospital praying with a woman whose husband was having surgery. Her prayers were full of anxiety as she concentrated on the operation and her husband. Charles Stanley refocused the prayers by concentrating on the Lord being the great physician, His love, mercy, and grace.
The woman visibly relaxed and was at peace. It was a reminder to you that I am in control and to focus on me. Also, as soon as you finished your quiet time, you had an email from your best friend wanting to eat lunch the next day. I knew you needed that encouragement.
The very next day, before you went to eat lunch, I provided in your quiet time another devotional. This one was by Billy Graham's daughter, Anne Graham Lotz. She used the shortest verse in the Bible, "Jesus wept". She told how when Jesus cried in that passage it was because he felt the grief and sorrow of those He loved dearly. She told how He feels our pain as well. As she said, "Our tears are on His face". Wow! That is amazingly awesome!
So, my dearly loved daughter, do you understand what I am teaching you? You are fearfully and wonderfully made. This life that you're given is the one that I have assigned and made specifically for you. (1 Corinthians 7:17). I am making you into my image. As you trust Me, you are learning that faith is based on trust, not on feelings. Remember my promises always and that each of your tears is precious to me. I died for and feel each and every one of them.
In the love of and the name above all names,
Jesus.
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